I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
