I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
