I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
