I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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