I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
