I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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