yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
