her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
