Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
