Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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