Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've blown a few things in my day
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
