Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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