I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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