He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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