Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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