i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
