Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She bit a glass in half.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
