Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
