I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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