are you so shy because you have an std?
My balls are so social today.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
