Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How's work?
Spinning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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