if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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