Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my shit smells like andre
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
