Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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