Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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