I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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