I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just puked most of my soul out..
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