So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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