so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
