I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
