I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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