Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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