I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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