Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
