Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
