i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize