is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
