He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
