trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
