He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
