is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
