She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Farmville is her only friend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
