I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
