no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
