I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
