no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize