i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
