We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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