I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
