I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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