Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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