I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
