Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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