I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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