on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
