Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
