i jhust puked up my retainher.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think my mom watched the whole time
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
