Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
