Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize