i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
