I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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