she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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