did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
