I wish I only lived at night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
