Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
