Sorry, I don't speak sober.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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