Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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