zippers are such a cool invention
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
